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Happy Thanksgiving!: Narcissism Recovery and the Holidays

Updated: Dec 2

Thanksgiving Day began as a community celebration intended to express gratitude, but for many, it's evolved into a day intended for overeating.


Whether you're interested in managing your weight, or just want to avoid feeling sick from overeating, here are some tips to help you enjoy the day:


  1. Be Thankful


When was the last time you spent Thanksgiving Day focusing on what you're thankful for? For many people, it's a day of sanctioned indulgence, or a day of stress and worry -- or both!


Here's a tip to shift your focus to gratitude: Think about at least one thing you're thankful for. Put a reminder in your phone or post a note where you'll see it throughout the day. When you're contemplating eating until it hurts, or you're worrying about the festivities, pause for a moment to remember what you're truly grateful for this year.


There's nothing wrong with enjoying your favorite foods and beverages during the holiday season. That said, there is research that suggests eating pleasurable foods changes the chemicals in your brain, and that increases the likelihood of overeating. Finding balance by focusing on other pleasurable things you're grateful for, aside from food, can help you find balance in your thoughts, feelings, and actions.


  1. Choose to Eat Mindfully -- and Enjoy Your Meal!


Long before I became a dietitian, I was fascinated by the idea of Thanksgiving Day as a day of sanctioned overeating. If you're planning to eat until you're in physical pain, consider this question: What is it about this day that's different from every other day?


If your answer is that "There's food available that I usually don't eat," or "There's more food than there usually is," ask yourself this question: How does overeating these foods benefit me?


Sometimes people overeat because they're afraid they'll be missing out on something if they don't. But overeating doesn't increase your enjoyment of food. Nor does it allow you to remember the flavors or textures of food more effectively in the future.


In fact, and interestingly enough, overeating is almost always mindless. If you're slowing down enough to enjoy the taste of every bite, chances are you'll notice you feel satisfied and stop eating before you're stuffed. And eating mindfully will allow you to enjoy the food you do choose to eat!


If you're overeating for emotional reasons, you're right that overeating may help you manage sadness or worry while you eat. But emotional eating is a temporary fix. It makes more sense to learn techniques that help you manage sadness or worry instead of overeating -- or better yet, seek out support to heal from sadness and overcome worry.


Occasionally, clients tell me they feel powerful when they overeat. If this resonates with you, I encourage you to consider the quote by Lao Tsu: He who controls others may be powerful, but he who controls himself is mightier still.


  1. Notice Your Thoughts and Feelings


Although Thanksgiving Day is largely focused on food, the social and emotional aspects of the holiday can't be ignored. If you're spending the day with loved ones, it can be more challenging to eat mindfully while you're engaging in conversation. If family get-togethers are challenging, emotions can run high. If you're spending the day alone, you may feel lonely and isolated.


To minimize the distractions of conversation while you're eating, practice mindful eating as often as you can while you're eating. Notice how food looks before you eat it. Observe the textures, tastes, and aromas of food as you're eating. Put your utensil down between each bite. Take time to really listen to others, rather than multi-tasking and eating while they talk. And keep in mind you don't have to do it perfectly to do it well. If you usually eat mindlessly on Thanksgiving Day, and you practice mindful eating half the time this year, that's a significant improvement!


If emotional eating is challenging, you may find it helpful to separate yourself from what's happening, and take a moment to self-nurture. One (exceedingly easy) tip you may find helpful is to excuse yourself to use the restroom. Once you're there, take some deep breaths, look at pictures you enjoy or videos that make you laugh, press your palms together to ground yourself, or remind yourself of what you're grateful for this year. When you feel calmer, it'll be easier to enjoy what you're eating, instead of eating mindlessly.


Some people enjoy spending the holiday alone, while others feel lonely and isolated. If you will be alone this year and are concerned about feeling lonely, consider how you can connect with others. You may want to volunteer with an organization that serves people in need in your community. Take advantage of technology to connect with family and friends who live far away. Participate in a community or religious event celebrating the holiday. Or make a plan to self-nurture and enjoy your time alone!


  1. Work in Physical Activity


You may not be able to follow through on your usual plans for physical activity, but that doesn't mean you can't be active. Let the world be your gym! You don't have to join a Turkey Trot and run a 5K (unless you want to, of course). Walk around your neighborhood, walk to the park and shoot hoops or toss around a football, put on music and dance, or play an online game of tennis, golf, or bowling. (If you have family or friends who won't be able to be there in person, consider creating an online tournament.) You may find the memories you make with friends and family become more meaningful than eating!


  1. Keep Your Goals Reasonable


We've talked about focusing on maintenance through the holiday season, but this topic bears repeating when it comes to Thanksgiving Day. You don't have to do healthy lifestyle behaviors (including weight management behaviors) perfectly to do them well!


So, instead of focusing on perfection, focus on enjoying the holiday as it's intended -- as a day of gratitude. Here are some questions to get you started with making positive changes this Thanksgiving:


What usually happens for me with food on Thanksgiving?

Why?

What's one positive change I could realistically make this year?


If you usually usually nibble all day and you're full before dinner even begins, then eat a plate of food and two slices of pie, consider how you can change things up this year. Do you need to have a healthy breakfast, then a snack before dinner? Change up the time when you eat Thanksgiving dinner? Have two large snacks earlier in the day?


If you find yourself frazzled on Thanksgiving Day with food preparation and hosting, consider how you can change things up so you feel less overwhelmed. Ask family members to bring a dish, ask for help preparing dishes, look into preparing dishes ahead of time, or cut back on the number of dishes you serve.


If you usually eat two plates of food and half a pie, and you'd like to cut back, explore what happens for you. If scarcity is your concern, try packing a plate for later before you sit down to eat. If you eat mindlessly, start practicing mindful eating now. If you set unrealistic goals, choose just one change this year.


If you'll be sharing Thanksgiving Day with family or friends with narcissistic traits, stay tuned! I'll be posting about the most common narcissistic traits and ego defenses this month and through the month of December, so you'll be ready to stay in your circle of control and enjoy the holiday season.


One last note: Keep in mind that beverages can play a role in how your holiday goes, both wtih regard to your emotions and your healthy habits. Alcohol is a high-calorie option that makes it harder to think about what you're doing. If you drink, then overeat, consider how you might change things up this year so you can stay focused on eating mindfully and enjoying your holiday meal.


Thanksgiving Day can be a day of rest and relaxation, punctuated with celebrating what you're grateful for and enjoying your favorite foods. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the idea of making changes that support your health and happiness, consider reaching out to a therapist or a registered dietitian who can support you. You deserve it!


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